Wedding photograph of James and Agnes (Nancy) Neilly.
2 Timothy 1:5
My mother was a very private person and few people really got to know her well. My father was sociable, outgoing, gregarious; my mother was the exact opposite. She was comfortable in her own home and in her own family. It was a real effort for her to attend church or Bethany Hall which she referred to as 'going to the meeting.' However, it is all the more remarkable that she never missed a church service unless she was seriously ill. She was well respected by her neighbours in the street of council houses where I spent my formative years. Theresa Thornton (nee Walsh) grew up a few doors away from the Neilly family and she shared with my wife, Janie her admiration for my mother who was so different from the other mothers. Theresa said that my mother never shouted for me to come in for a meal. She simply spoke quietly and I responded without complaint. . My hearing must have been much better then! I have no recollection, however, of ever being chastised or punished by mum. She never raised her voice and never threatened me with the stock phrase, 'Wait till your father gets home.'
I was once interviewed on Revival Radio about my personal involvement as a volunteer at Keswick Convention. However, the interviewer wanted to start the interview by talking about my home life. He seemed determined to prove that my mother must have used firm discipline - he implied that she would have 'smacked' me or given me a look of disapproval. I failed to convince him that my mother did not resort to any tactics like that. I was a quiet wee boy but I was not perfect. However, I had such an affection for my mother that I would not have done anything to offend her.
My mother had a deep conscience and lived a very careful life. She did not have any worldly music in the home so not only was there no television in 54, Misk Knowes, Stevenston in Ayrshire, there was no pop music played on the radio. I never had a 'comic' such as the Beano or the Dandy. We did nothing on a Sunday apart from attending the services in Bethany Hall, the gospel hall in Station Road to which we always walked there and back (three times on a Sunday and once on a Thursday). We must have been soaked regularly but that was part of our way of life. My mother was a great home baker who baked scones, pancakes, fruit tarts, fruit loaves etc every day in life - apart from Sunday. She was a full-time housewife who kept the home clean and tidy but made sure that it was homely and welcoming. She was a good cook who cooked traditional meals and set the table for each meal at least three times a day and often this stretched to us sitting around the table at supper time.
My mother was never fashionable. She had long hair which she wrapped around her head in a 'bun'. She took Paul's teaching in his first letter to the Corinthians to mean that women should not have their hair cut. Other children in my class at school thought I stayed with my grandmother because they saw my mother as old fashioned. I was the youngest in the family so my mother was 38 when I was born which made her nearly 20 years older than some other mothers in my class at Ardeer Primary School.
It was my mother who guided me spiritually in my early years. She loved the Lord and she displayed that in her character and conduct. I was deeply loved by my mum but her private nature meant that she demonstrated her love for me, the youngest member of the family, by her kindness and her care for me. I never doubted that my mother loved me - it was evident in her actions every hour of the day.
Photograph of me with my mother at Arthur Street in Stevenston.
We shared a love of reading and she encouraged me to read the classic novels especially the works of Charles Dickens and Jane Austen. What a privileged childhood I had. We were not wealthy by any means. My father was an office worker in the ICI, Ardeer Factory. He paid out wages late at night on a Thursday so my mum and I spent hours together just talking. When I got to university and studied history, she would want me to talk about the French Revolution or other historical events and would relate it to books she had read. She was fascinated by history and she gave me confidence in explaining the significance of different historical contexts.
My mum had a nervous disposition. There was one evening when our neighbour paid an uninvited visit to our home while he was heavily under the influence of alcohol. There had been a very noisy disturbance in the next door house and it was clear that there was a quarrel which resulted in the son deciding he would come to seek refuge in the Neilly household and get my father to intervene on his behalf against his father. He knocked loudly on the door and my mother was trembling with fear. So Robert, aged 16 or so went to the door. I told him that my father was at work and that he could not come into our house at such a late hour. He was very angry with me and insisted that I should let him speak to my dear mother. I went immediately into a defensive mode and told him that he could not come in our home. I have never forgotten his reply, "You must be a great disappointment to your parents. They are both lovely Christians." My mother had never seen me acting so decisively. I had to make her a cup of tea to calm her nerves.
Alcohol created havoc in several homes in our street. There was no alcohol allowed in our home. Many years later, I discovered that my grandfather Neilly was the eldest in the family with a father who was an alcoholic. My research has uncovered a family that was blighted by the impact of his addiction to alcohol. That might help to explain the aversion to 'drink' among the Neilly family. My father's grandfather on his maternal side also abused alcohol.
I have also a theory to explain my mother's reserve and private nature. I will share this story in a future blog.
Below is a more recent photograph of the Bertram family with my mother and father. This was taken in Misk Knowes, our family home in Stevenston.
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