Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. [Proverbs 10:19 NIV]
This is a true aphorism or brief statement which makes the reader pause for a moment to reflect and think. There are two statements coupled together with a hinge (the correct term is 'conjunction'). Here is how I understand this proverb.
Have there been times in your life when you have deeply regretted something that you have just said? You opened your mouth before your brain was in gear? If the answer is "No" to these questions, then you are very different from me. Many a time I have woken up in the middle of the night and have broken out in a sweat when I have recalled an earlier conversation when I said the wrong thing. There is no way back when the words are out. Saying sorry is a start to healing the wounds caused by our sharp tongues but the hurt has been done. Sometimes it is the tone of our voice which was wrong because we often forget how observant people are when we are conversing with them. We pick up all sorts of cues and signals from the body language and the tone of the voice.
Our tongues can be very destructive and wounding. We say something very quickly without thinking through the consequences of what we are saying. But when the words are out of our mouths, there is no way to retrieve them. I have to admit that I am too sensitive so I have been wounded many times by something someone has said about me. Sadly, that does not mean that I have not caused offence to other people by careless talk.
The tongue and our talk are going to feature in a number of blogs which are planned for later this year. James's letter deals with this topic very powerfully and there will be further opportunities to learn lessons from the word of God relating to careless speech and its deadly consequences.
Modern technology has increased the potential for hurting other people with our words. My father often said about the harm done by telephone calls and he was speaking about landlines before mobile phones were so popular. It is so easy to make a comment when you do not see the reaction from the person receiving your call. Text messages are even more destructive even though we can edit them before pressing the send key. There is no way that we can express the subtlety of the tone of our voice in a text message.
Facebook and other social media can also cause hurt and harm to other people and sometimes we can hurt many people with a single post. I am often horrified at the posts I read on Facebook - you will probably be thinking that I should not be reading Facebook anyway. I do use social media to share Day Share posts, however.
What is this verse really saying. We should use be cautious in our speech. The more we say, the more we are likely to say something that we regret. So the advice from the Proverb is to 'hold our tongues.' Think before we say something. Ask ourselves some key questions as a matter of routine before we say something to another person.
Is it true?
Is it likely to cause offence?
How would I like it if someone said this to me?
Are we aware of any sensitive issues relating to the person we are talking to?
I am assuming that we do not want to cause offence. Sadly, that is not always true and even Christians have used words to cause deliberate hurt. It seems to make us feel better when we come out with a destructive sentence. There is a feeling of revenge. Sadly, when a person is feeling that they have been wronged, they are more likely to hurt other people. Bullies are often victims of bullying themselves. Similarly, those who are hurting are much more likely to inflict verbal injury on other people. Another risk area is humour. From my memories of working in schools, there is often a considerable amount of laughter present when someone is being bullied. The perpetrator and the bystanders find the matter amusing but how about the victim? That is extreme but there is a greater risk of causing offence when humour is involved. Are we making fun of somebody else to give us amusement?
So, in general terms, the advice from this old proverb is very relevant today. We should listen more than we talk and we should hesitate a little before we start saying something which we might later regret. Finally, if we have said something we should not have said, it is wise counsel to apologise at the earliest opportunity.
Photo by Karren McPherson - again, this is her creative interpretation of this verse.
Very powerful message Robert